1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,171
♪ One two
ah one two three and... ♪

2
00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:07,591
[theme song plays]

3
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:25,735
♪ Chico,
don't be discouraged ♪

4
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:31,115
♪ The Man, he ain't so hard
to understand ♪

5
00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:36,620
♪ Chico if you try now ♪

6
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:41,625
♪ I know that you can
lend a helping hand ♪

7
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:44,795
♪ Because there's good
in every one ♪

8
00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:47,465
♪ And a new day has begun ♪

9
00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:52,928
♪ You can see
the morning sun if you try ♪

10
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:58,309
♪ And I know things will
be better ♪

11
00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,769
♪ Oh, yes they will ♪

12
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,898
♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

13
00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:07,818
♪ Yes, they will for
Chico and The Man ♪

14
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,907
♪♪

15
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[whistling]

16
00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:24,668
[humming]

17
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:32,551
[water sloshing]

18
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,722
Ooh, looking good.

19
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Gonna be sailing tonight.

20
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[knocking on door]

21
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,356
Oh, Della.

22
00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,863
Hey, baby.

23
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:55,199
Welcome to Chico's hideaway.

24
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,701
- Oh, I mean, I love it.
- Huh?

25
00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:58,953
It is too...

26
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,621
You know, if I was about

27
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,165
ten years younger and you
were two shades darker

28
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,209
we'd get it on here.

29
00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:07,378
Well, I hope Lisa likes
it as much as I do.

30
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,630
Lisa? That little blonde nurse?

31
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,341
That adorable little blonde nurse.

32
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,677
- This is it, Della.
- You thought Patsy was it.

33
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:18,556
Nah, that was months ago.
I was a child then.
What did I know?

34
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,724
Lisa is the real thing, not
another case of puppy love.

35
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,894
- You are a hound dog, Chico.
- This is true.

36
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,729
I hope she likes my dinner.

37
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,565
- Braised Capon.
- Hmm.

38
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,819
- Shrimp and curry sauce.
- Have mercy.

39
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- Sautéed mushrooms.
- Please!

40
00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:37,157
- Yes, yes.
- Ought to go wonderful

41
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,659
with the wine I've
chosen for the evening

42
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,452
Chateau Ripple '75.

43
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:46,000
You got a bargain. It usually
cost me a dollar and a quarter.

44
00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:49,419
Oh, baby, I really love the apartment.

45
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:52,590
It's just-- e-everything
about it is so you.

46
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,341
Hey, Chico, I was--

47
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:04,602
- What's she doing here?
- What are you doing here?

48
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,103
You're supposed to be at
the fights with Louie.

49
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,605
Yeah, but I got a headache.

50
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,356
If I walked around with a
personality like yours

51
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,442
I'd have a headache too.

52
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,861
Hey, hey, the fight's at the
Olympic auditorium, not here.

53
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:16,280
Look, if you got any
aspirin? I just ran out.

54
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,781
Try sucking on the cotton.

55
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,782
There's usually a few
crumbs left in there.

56
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,038
Why don't you go pick some cotton?

57
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,624
[Louie] Hey, what room is you,
Eddy? Where's that Eddy?

58
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,543
He's in my room.
Come, get him out.

59
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,468
Oooh-wee!

60
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:41,221
Man! Chico.

61
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:43,599
This room's got everything you need

62
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,768
to get everything you need.

63
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:49,480
Yeah, with the exception
of one thing. Privacy.

64
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,065
Oh, I don't buy that.

65
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,442
Now, on the scale of one to ten...

66
00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:56,820
[laughs] ...I'd give this room a 46.

67
00:03:56,904 --> 00:04:00,950
Hey, Ed, you sure built
this boy a fox trap.

68
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,618
Louie!

69
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:04,662
I expect to hear that kind of
talk from somebody like Ed

70
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,164
but not an intelligent
gentleman like you.

71
00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:10,292
The young people of today don't
set traps for each other.

72
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:13,003
They just let it all hang out.

73
00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:14,505
Hey, you know something, Della

74
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,591
if I'd had a pad like this
and I was Chico's age,

75
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,843
I'd never would've lived to be my age.

76
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,345
[laughs]

77
00:04:21,387 --> 00:04:24,348
Um, ah, if you gentlemen
keep hanging around

78
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,684
and reminiscing you're gonna
miss the main event.

79
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,601
Yeah, I got a feeling the main event

80
00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:31,188
is gonna be held right
here in this room.

81
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,690
- Ed, good night.
- Huh?

82
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,484
Good night?

83
00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:37,277
Well, let me tell you one thing.

84
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,529
When I come back here, I'm
gonna take a good look

85
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,198
at that waterbed to see if
it's got any whitecaps.

86
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,950
Oh, come on.

87
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,540
- [Lisa] Oh, hi there.
- [Della] Enjoy your evening.

88
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,629
- Sweetheart.
- Chico.

89
00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:58,048
Well, I've been kissed
better but never quicker.

90
00:04:58,132 --> 00:04:59,842
Hey, I just gotta make one call.

91
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:03,303
My relief is new on the case.
I promised I'd check with her.

92
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,556
Here. I brought you an album.

93
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,558
Oh, music to make out by?

94
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:10,226
It's Freddy Folsom sings at San Quentin.

95
00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:12,312
Oh, music to break out by.

96
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:15,482
What's this, uh, "Jailhouse Rock"?

97
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,985
"I'm In Love With A Wonderful Guard"

98
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:21,654
"Tie A Yellow Ribbon Around
The Old Electric Chair."

99
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,240
Thelma.

100
00:05:23,282 --> 00:05:24,908
This is Lisa.
How's Mr. Cobbler?

101
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:26,744
- Just peachy.
- Shh.

102
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,081
No, I told him myself

103
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:34,501
that he cannot use that bed
pan for his geranium plant.

104
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,005
Did he eat his tapioca?

105
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,424
He did?

106
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,343
In your hair?
All right.

107
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:44,678
Well, look, Thelma, just tell him

108
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,221
he's gotta pay for your permanent.

109
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,223
Yeah, yeah. Look, if you
need me, I'm here.

110
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,601
- Ah, the number is--
- Unlisted.

111
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,895
Please, Chico.

112
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,065
It's 5-5-5-6-1-6-2. Yeah.

113
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:58,108
Okay, look, goodbye.

114
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,069
- Oh.
- And hello.

115
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,071
I'm sorry, Chico.

116
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,781
Well, now, I'm all yours.

117
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,449
Well, give me your cape, Superlady.

118
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,284
[chuckles] Oh!

119
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,620
And, um, my dignity.

120
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:11,538
Your dignity?

121
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,957
Ah, nurse's cap is known as her dignity.

122
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,375
Oh!

123
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,461
Yes, indeed.
I'll take that dignity.

124
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,714
Uh, why don't you sit down.

125
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:23,258
We'll work on getting rid of
some of your inhibitions.

126
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,552
[chuckles] Oh! You, umm...

127
00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:27,471
You wanna play doctor?

128
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,139
Uh, yes, as a matter of fact

129
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:31,141
I'm prescribing a mild
sedative for the both of us.

130
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,976
Mm-hmm.

131
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,812
Oh, wow.

132
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,605
Oh, this room!

133
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:40,150
Oh, it really turned out nice.
I-I-I admire your taste.

134
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,319
Well, thank you, but I can't
take all the credit.

135
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,822
See, Louie picked out the color,
Della picked out the furniture

136
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,281
and Ed picked the crack in the window.

137
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:47,616
[laughs]

138
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:48,951
Well, that doesn't leave much for you.

139
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,619
Are you kidding?
I picked out the thing

140
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:52,955
that makes this pad a palace-- you.

141
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,998
Oh, my Prince Charming.

142
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,584
Fill my glass slipper with that wine.

143
00:06:57,668 --> 00:06:59,503
Will an old jelly jar do?

144
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:04,258
[telephone ringing]

145
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,177
Brown's Garage, but we're closed.

146
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,263
Oh, it's tapioca head.

147
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,432
I'm sorry.

148
00:07:12,516 --> 00:07:14,101
Hello!

149
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,855
Well, tell him, he's got to take it.

150
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,190
Yeah, or I'm gonna come
over and give it to him.

151
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,944
Well, if you can't handle,
then call the head nurse.

152
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,530
Where is she?

153
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,782
Which intern?

154
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,536
God! Well, if they're not
out of that linen closet

155
00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:34,621
in ten minutes, go in and get her.

156
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,875
Okay, I'll be here.

157
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:41,795
I'm sorry.

158
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:44,798
I thought you were off-duty tonight.

159
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:47,050
- I am off duty.
- Good. Then, so is the phone.

160
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,219
I can't.

161
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:51,180
Mr. Cobbler's a very sick man.

162
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,890
Yeah, well, I didn't figure
he was in the hospital

163
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,016
playing football.

164
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,517
Why don't you let Thelma
take care of him?

165
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:56,727
Come on, take a break, lighten up.

166
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,562
It's your night off.
Relax.

167
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,689
Even Marcus Welby takes
time off for a commercial.

168
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,399
Here, sit down.
Put it on the wood.

169
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:04,568
[chuckles] You're right.

170
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,486
There you go.
A toast.

171
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:09,740
- To your new apartment.
- Bottoms up.

172
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:10,908
Oh!

173
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,243
I hope Mr. Cobbler got his flu shot.

174
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:16,705
[Chico sighs]

175
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,540
[speaking in Spanish]

176
00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,417
I'm sorry.

177
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,669
Darling, nursing is not the kind of job

178
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,880
I can just turn off
when I leave at 5:00.

179
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:27,341
Yeah, well, it's turning me off
and it ain't even 7:00.

180
00:08:29,593 --> 00:08:31,720
Okay. Okay.

181
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,931
- No more medicine.
- Good.

182
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,432
Come on.

183
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,727
Well, tell me how pretty I am and
how crazy you are about me.

184
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,187
You know the usual stuff.
Go ahead.

185
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,522
The usual stuff?
All right.

186
00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:46,276
You are pretty.
I'm crazy about you.

187
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:48,278
Hey, Chico-- Oh!

188
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:51,280
Oh, excuse me.
I-I didn't know, uh, she was still--

189
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:54,451
Ah, what do you mean by bursting
into my room without knocking?

190
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:57,203
Well, this is an emergency and I--

191
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,622
Oh!

192
00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:01,291
Oh, you-- you don't think for one minute

193
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,252
that I was snooping here?

194
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,920
Yes, I do.

195
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:07,089
Oh, that's ridiculous.
This is an emergency, you know.

196
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,466
I-I have this terrible temperature,

197
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,468
and I was afraid that
Louie might catch it.

198
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,970
- And I didn't want--
- Ohh!

199
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:16,056
Oh, Mr. Brown, you poor man, oh.

200
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,809
Well, you feel normal.

201
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,562
Are you kidding?
He's sick up here.

202
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:25,732
Oh, no, it's not that at all.
See, my throat, it's itching

203
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,985
Well, scratch it in your own room.

204
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,987
- Chico, why are you so angry?
- Yeah.

205
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:32,155
Well, 'cause he's supposed to be
with Louie enjoying the fights

206
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:35,325
and we're supposed to be here
enjoying, uh, each other.

207
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:38,120
And nobody's enjoying what they're
supposed to be enjoying.

208
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,328
I am.

209
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,667
- Open wide.
- Ahh.

210
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,294
- I don't see anything.
- Ahh.

211
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,587
Yeah, look again. You'll
see a suspicious old man

212
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,131
who's trying to ruin my evening.

213
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,590
Ahh.

214
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,301
[telephone ringing]

215
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:55,261
You didn't have to bother, Ed,
Thelma's doing it for you.

216
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,348
Excuse me.

217
00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,599
Hey, you got a new secretary.

218
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,143
Can't you answer the phone yourself?

219
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,352
That's not a phone, it's
a hotline to a bedpan.

220
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:04,688
Oh.

221
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:06,606
Some night this turned out to be.

222
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,775
Aww, I'm sorry to hear that.

223
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,862
Hey, let me get rid of her
and maybe we can watch

224
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,030
the 10 o'clock news tonight together.

225
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:16,033
The way things are going,
we'll be able to watch

226
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,993
the 8 o'clock news together.

227
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,619
- Hey, that's good. I like that.
- Come one, go to your room.

228
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:22,164
- Please, Ed. Just once for me.
- All right.

229
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:24,958
Okay, Thelma, I'll be
there as soon as I can!

230
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,796
I hate you, Thelma!

231
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:33,884
Mr. Cobbler is accusing her
of trying to poison him.

232
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,053
I believe it.
She's poisoned our evening.

233
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,722
Anyway, I got to get right
back to the hospital

234
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,724
but we have five minutes.

235
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,898
I'm kissing you, aren't
you gonna kiss me back?

236
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,982
Why bother? The only thing
we can get boiling

237
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:52,235
in five minutes is an egg.

238
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:03,080
Chico, you're making
this very difficult.

239
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,915
[chuckles] I'm making it diff--

240
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,917
Ah-ha, I'm making it difficult?

241
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,919
You're making it impossible.
You don't wanna be here.

242
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,921
You're using your job as
an excuse to get out.

243
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,256
Oh, well, that isn't true.

244
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,008
- Oh, isn't it?
- No.

245
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,927
I don't know one off-duty nurse
that carries on like this.

246
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,261
Hey, I was looking forward to
this, to-- to Della's dinner--

247
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,932
Why? So, you could feed
it to me intravenously?

248
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,267
Oh, now, oh, you're trying
to make me feel guilty?

249
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:26,770
Okay, well, it's just not gonna work.

250
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,563
I think you're being unreasonably

251
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,898
childish and selfish.

252
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,607
You're being selfish.

253
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,527
- Good night.
- Good-bye.

254
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,537
I don't need you anyway.

255
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,455
There are plenty of women.

256
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,208
[grunts]

257
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,211
Ah, that will hurt.

258
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,465
Ah, Lisa.

259
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:12,232
♪♪

260
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,909
That looks like you're
dragging more than your tail.

261
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,910
What's the matter with you?

262
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,788
My waterbed sprung a leak.

263
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,665
Oh, it did, huh?

264
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,625
Well, aren't you gonna
call the vice squad

265
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,586
and tell them to come around
and ask me how it happened?

266
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,838
Or did you hear Lisa leave?

267
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,756
You think I pry?

268
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,925
What two consenting adults do in private

269
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:40,510
is none of my business.

270
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,345
Yeah, you heard Lisa leave.

271
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,848
You'd be glad to know that
last night was a disaster.

272
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,183
You are telling me.

273
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,726
Took me all morning to mop it up.

274
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,188
Go on, make fun of me.

275
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,815
You don't care if I lose my girl
or I may never see her again.

276
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,318
What are you talking about,
you'd never see her again?

277
00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,652
You gotta have a little faith, Chico.

278
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,988
Be like me.
Every morning I get up

279
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,865
I get down on my knees and pray.

280
00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:03,533
- For a girl?
- No.

281
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:06,535
I pray to have strength enough
to get up off my knees.

282
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,706
Does everything have to be funny to you?

283
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:12,542
Oh, come on.
You know how many Lisa's there are in this world?

284
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,794
- Probably a million.
- Yeah, there you are.

285
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,046
So, who cares.

286
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,506
- I care. That's who cares.
- Oh!

287
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:20,133
Do you know how many
nurses marry mechanics?

288
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,510
- How many?
- None.

289
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,886
You know how many nurses marry doctors?

290
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,554
All of them.

291
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:29,559
Where do you get your facts?
The Encyclopedia Ignoramia?

292
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,811
You got it gassed up yet, Ed?

293
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:34,648
You didn't tell me whether you
wanted Regular or Supreme.

294
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,982
- I want Supreme.
- You got it.

295
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:46,409
Hold it, honky.

296
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,080
Where does it say help
yourself to the free milk?

297
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,999
I gave you an extra ten cents
worth of gas in your truck.

298
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,252
My milk cost 35 cents.

299
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:59,381
Oh, add it to my rent.
[mutters]

300
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,216
- Hi, Della.
- Hey, Chico.

301
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,884
Tell me everything about the dinner.

302
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:05,095
- We never got to it.
- Well, that's good, isn't it?

303
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,179
No, we never got to anything.

304
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:08,682
That's the problem with nurses.

305
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,225
They never pay any attention to you

306
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:11,684
unless, you are in terrible pain.

307
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,937
- I was in terrible pain.
- Yeah.

308
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,565
Take my advice: forget about
a career woman, see.

309
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,067
Get yourself an old-fashioned
girl who knows how to cook.

310
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,528
Stick her in the kitchen and
never let her out of it.

311
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,196
Somebody ought to lock your mouth

312
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,408
so your ideas never run out of it.

313
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,285
You're talking like a caveman.

314
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,078
Caveman?
What are you talking about?

315
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,788
Show me scientific proof

316
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,249
that woman was born to the skillet.

317
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,543
You want scientific proof?

318
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,587
I'll show her scientific proof.

319
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,422
You ever hear of Betty Crocker?

320
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,465
Did you ever hear of the
Galloping Gourmet?

321
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,719
Sure, he's the guy who cooks
with Betty Crocker's recipes.

322
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:51,141
Cooking, Ed Brown, like anything else

323
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,727
has nothing to do with a person's sex.

324
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:57,439
- Oh?
- Females can do anything males can do.

325
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,316
- Is that so?
- And more.

326
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:01,651
Ah, it took a man to
discover America, Della.

327
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:04,654
Ah, but it took a woman
to pay for the trip.

328
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,455
Can you run a four-minute mile?

329
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,665
No. Can you?

330
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,754
Could you become the King of Norway?

331
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,423
Could you become the Queen of England?

332
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,344
Ah, I guess I must be
as stupid as she is

333
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,137
because I'm standing
here arguing with her.

334
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:32,015
Alright, alright, stop it the both of you.
I've heard enough.

335
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,808
From him maybe, but not from me.

336
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,519
A woman is entitled to live a full life

337
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:38,772
and combine her career and her romance.

338
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,357
Yeah, but that's the problem.

339
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,150
See, Lisa puts her living
ahead of her loving.

340
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,194
I'm dedicated to my profession,
but in the middle of a kiss

341
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,196
I don't call up a customer
and go, "Hi, this is Chico.

342
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:47,822
How's your carburetor?"

343
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,324
Oh, honey, listen.

344
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:52,619
A woman that dedicated
should be encouraged.

345
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,162
Somebody with her kind of passion

346
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:55,997
could end up being a doctor.

347
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,499
Lisa, a doctor?

348
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,376
If we had more gal practice

349
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:03,004
it'd be a little less malpractice.

350
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:04,214
Ahh!

351
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,049
Yes, listen to this woman.

352
00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:09,177
The next thing you know we'll
have a Mayo Sisters Clinic.

353
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,887
And why not?

354
00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:13,390
It's been a man's world long enough

355
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:16,226
and just look what you
men have done to it.

356
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,478
Where?

357
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:21,523
We women never started a war.

358
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:24,025
We never overthrew a government.

359
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:28,863
Marlon Brando did not
play The Godmother.

360
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,741
And we weren't caught
breaking in the Watergate.

361
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,868
Ah, that's because you were too busy

362
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,912
cuddling up with a lot of congressmen.

363
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:42,377
Ed, now hold it.

364
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,546
- It takes two to tango.
- Yeah.

365
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:47,424
Don't tell me how to dance.

366
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,175
Let me just explain this.

367
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:51,261
The next thing you know, the
next President of United States

368
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,929
will be a cocktail waitress.

369
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,597
Seems right to me.

370
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:57,517
If a peanut farmer can run,
so can a cocktail waitress.

371
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:02,105
- Hi.
- Hi, Lisa.

372
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,565
- Hello!
- Chico.

373
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,108
Can I see you for a minute please?

374
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,736
Sure, look.

375
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,362
Alone?

376
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:10,530
Okay.

377
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,782
Could you excuse us?

378
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,875
- Oh, no, you don't.
- He knew she was coming back.

379
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,917
That's why he vulcanized that waterbed.

380
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:28,131
You are suspicious of that boy
as the FBI is of the CIA.

381
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:31,092
- Do you wanna sandwich?
- No, I'm not hungry.

382
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,635
It's on the house.

383
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:38,808
So, what brings you back?
Guilty conscience?

384
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:43,563
Yeah, umm...

385
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:46,483
I didn't have any business
coming here last night.

386
00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:49,986
Even if I was off-duty, it just
wasn't fair to you 'cause...

387
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,071
Well, I had this one case, you see.

388
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:57,118
And I've been taking care
of him for days and...

389
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,329
I got really involved.

390
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:01,330
And...

391
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,626
And, ah...

392
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,420
see when quitting time came, I...

393
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,172
I was really torn, because...

394
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,675
Hey, I knew how much last
evening meant to you

395
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,136
and-- and to me too.
I mean...

396
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:19,682
Well, the way you had the
place all fixed up.

397
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,643
You know, with the...

398
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,520
the dinner and...

399
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,980
and the candles and the-- and the wine

400
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:29,359
and... and you looked so handsome.

401
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:33,321
And, umm...

402
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:35,990
and you smelled so good.

403
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,993
And...

404
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:42,080
Chico, last night Mr. Cobbler died.

405
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,084
Oh, wow.

406
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,671
Listen, Lisa, I-- I'm sorry. Okay?

407
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,840
He was... such a dear,
sweet old man, but...

408
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:56,886
[sobs] he was so sick.

409
00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:00,390
I didn't mean to make a pest of himself.

410
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,892
Honey, I'm sorry.
I had no idea.

411
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:07,146
Poor you. I-I shouldn't
have involved you in this.

412
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,691
Hey, hey, are you kidding?
I love you.

413
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:12,318
Anything that involves you
involves me and hurts me.

414
00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:14,362
Well, Chico,

415
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:16,865
he was the first patient I ever lost.

416
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,366
Yeah, well you haven't
been a nurse that long.

417
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,910
There'll be others.

418
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:23,413
Oh, Chico.

419
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,917
I'm-- I'm so-- I'm s--

420
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,588
Honey, Lis-- Lis, I'm-I'm sorry.

421
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,256
Forgive me. Don't cry.

422
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:36,676
I'm sorry for that and for
the way I acted last night.

423
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:39,262
Hey, I can't blame you for
what happened last night.

424
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:40,722
Well, I can.
I was selfish.

425
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:43,016
Oh, I'm the selfish one.

426
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:46,269
I've come to realize the
truth about myself.

427
00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:48,897
I want more out of life
than prescriptions

428
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:52,901
and penicillin and white pantyhose.

429
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,611
- I'm quitting.
- What do you mean?

430
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,446
- After all your training--
- I mean it!

431
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,780
I thought about it last night

432
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,616
and I thought about it this morning.

433
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,117
I can't be a nurse.

434
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,703
I mean, I'm an obsessive personality.

435
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,371
Yeah, so was Florence Nightingale.

436
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,624
Well, I'll never be like her.

437
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,459
Hey, kiss me, Chico.

438
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,297
Don't talk, kiss.

439
00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:18,051
Oh, wow.

440
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:20,595
Hey, let's-- let's, um, go to your room.

441
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,221
Oh, we can't do that.
I haven't dusted.

442
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:25,141
Oh, I'll do it, I'm a--
I'm a fantastic duster.

443
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,810
[Della] Lisa! Lisa, come
quick, honey, it's Ed!

444
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:28,978
- What?
- Yeah, out here.

445
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,939
- Come on, honey.
- What happened?

446
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,648
- Ed, what'd you do now, man?
- He was eating a sandwich.

447
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,151
- Out of the way.
- [grunts]

448
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:45,787
Ahh. Ahh!

449
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:48,498
- You okay?
- Oh, boy.

450
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:51,459
Ah, for a-- a couple of minutes,
I thought I was a goner.

451
00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:54,629
Okay, don't-- don't try to
talk. Just stand straight.

452
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,297
- Yeah.
- Keep breathing normally.

453
00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:59,217
I know if I lie down, somebody
will try to bury me.

454
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,679
You're okay.
Just keep breathing.

455
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,638
Yeah, Ed, breathing is
the important thing.

456
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:07,976
Oh, Lisa, thank God, you were
here. You saved him, you know.

457
00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:10,520
Oh, anyone could've done that.

458
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:11,854
Take deep breaths.

459
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,815
[inhales sharply]

460
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,693
That's great.
You're gonna be fine, Ed.

461
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,194
Yeah.
I'll see you tonight, Chico.

462
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:19,696
Well, wait a minute,
you're on-duty tonight.

463
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,864
Hey, I told you, I'm giving up nursing.

464
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:23,616
- What?
- Okay.

465
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,868
- Go ahead, give it up, stupid.
- Chico!

466
00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:28,121
No, let her give it up.
Who needs nurses anyway?

467
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:29,539
When the patients ring the buzzer

468
00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:31,958
let the janitor answer and help.

469
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:34,002
That's right.
In surgery, let the patient

470
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,878
hand the surgeon the knife.

471
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,547
They don't even need nurses
in the linen closet

472
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,132
the interns can pinch each other.

473
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:41,801
"Oh, Dr. Welby!"

474
00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:43,302
I mean go ahead, Lisa Malone.

475
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:44,971
You were taught to take
pain out of this world

476
00:21:45,054 --> 00:21:46,681
so, go back to the hospital.

477
00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:48,558
Get out of my garage.
Go where you belong.

478
00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:50,018
Hey, even if I do that

479
00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:52,061
we're not gonna have
many evenings together.

480
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,230
Yeah, I know but that's the
chance we'll have to take.

481
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:57,400
He's right, Lisa, but if it's
love, it'll find a way.

482
00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,193
Oh, Chico.

483
00:21:59,234 --> 00:22:01,237
Hey, no wonder I feel the
way I do about you.

484
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,740
Hmm. Mm-hmm.

485
00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:05,575
[laughs]

486
00:22:05,616 --> 00:22:08,244
Ah, listen, I'm-- I'm gonna
walk Lisa to the bus stop.

487
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,246
It's a rough neighborhood.
Someone else might try

488
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,497
and kiss her, you know what I mean.

489
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,458
[laughing]

490
00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:25,928
- Isn't she just adorable?
- Yeah.

491
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:28,222
Aren't you glad they got back together?

492
00:22:28,263 --> 00:22:29,891
Yeah.

493
00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:31,893
Hey, where you going with that knife?

494
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:34,604
Surgery. I'm gonna make twin
beds out of that water bag.

495
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,064
Oh, Ed.

496
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,357
I mean, that man is sick.

497
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:55,124
What are you doing?

498
00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:57,251
Why are you painting it that color?

499
00:22:57,292 --> 00:22:58,795
Well, you see, Ed

500
00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:00,922
research shows that this is
the most relaxing color.

501
00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:03,299
That's why hospital rooms
are always pastels.

502
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,717
I got some news for you.

503
00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:06,302
This is not a hospital.
This is a garage.

504
00:23:06,344 --> 00:23:08,638
Yes, but we have many sick cars here.

505
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,642
Plus it's Lisa's favorite color.

506
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:14,977
I see. That reminds me, when
do you kids get together?

507
00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:16,896
You work days, she works nights.

508
00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:20,233
Well, I've been dropping by the
hospital during her lunch hour.

509
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:21,984
Lunch hour?

510
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:24,487
She works nights, when does
she have a lunch hour?

511
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:26,280
- 2:00 in the morning.
- Uh-oh.

512
00:23:26,321 --> 00:23:28,491
But I'm not doing anything at that hour.

513
00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:31,577
Well, I guess love will find a way.

514
00:23:31,661 --> 00:23:34,539
Yeah, now, if we could
only find a place.

515
00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:37,625
That linen closet's so crowded

516
00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:39,377
you need a reservation to get in.

517
00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:43,673
[theme song]

518
00:23:47,677 --> 00:23:50,596
[Freddie] "Chico and the Man" was
recorded live before a studio audience

519
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,057
at NBC studios, Burbank, California.

520
00:23:54,225 --> 00:23:57,603
♪ Chico was born
in El Barrio ♪

521
00:23:57,686 --> 00:24:01,357
♪ Spent much of his time
in the street ♪

522
00:24:01,398 --> 00:24:04,609
♪ His mind was crazy
for knowledge ♪

523
00:24:04,694 --> 00:24:07,280
♪ His belly
for something to eat ♪

524
00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:09,615
♪ Times are hard ♪

525
00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:13,035
♪ Chico and the Man ♪

526
00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:16,705
♪ Times are hard ♪

527
00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:20,292
♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

528
00:24:20,376 --> 00:24:23,296
♪ Yeah, baby,
yeah, yeah ♪

529
00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:26,883
♪ All right, yeah ♪